She Said So

Girl Talk

All Day from Girl Talk is Triple J's feature album all this week and man, I kinda love it. It's like ... well imagine if Jive Bunny was actually good. Like really, really good. Good with cherries on top and I mean good cherries. Like the ones that were being sold by the crate at the fruit and vege market the other night that I nearly bought before saying to self "wait up now little human, are you really going to eat a crate of cherries by yourself?" and then I said back to self "no, no you're not, you just like them cos they're pretty and shiny like the boy-mans from Gossip Girl" so instead I bought two punnets of blueberries and a bottle of cream and ate that instead. Bad self.

 

 

But Girl Talk? Girl Talk good (wait, did we cover this already?). Plus this album will provide literally hours of entertainment if one happens to be stuck in traffic and one decides to try to work out all the samples used in the mashups. If, however, one is particularly lazy, one could just go here and find that some lovely little radpants has done it for you... for one. Something.

 

Bah Humbuggery

At some point during the weekend just gone, I flipped tv channels to witness some shittingly awful, poorly shot, dear GOD what were they thinking Christmas Carols by Boganlight thing. I don't even know what it was called. I don't want to know lest I accidentally find it on the internetz.  What is it about Christmas carols that make me go so stabby? Is it the cringe factor? The knowledge that each year the same "network celebrities" - oh hai bile, hai - get dragged onstage for another earnestly wholesome, toothache inducing version of White Christmas? Is it the clearly insane amounts of yuletide albums being released by every Tom, Dick and Julie Goodwin each December? Or the shopping centres that Just. Won't. Stop. Playing. Them.? 

There is ONE "festive" song that I can listen to year after year. It's morose and it's angry and it's remorseful and really, REALLY, isn't that what Christmas is all about? Now let's all give thanks for Shane MacGowan and his teef.

 

 

p.s. Okay, you know what? It would be remiss of me to leave out Joni Mitchell. The first time I ever heard this song I lay on the floor and cried for an hour ... much like I did when I flipped over to the Carols the other night. So there you go - TWO WHOLE SONGS I can listen to at Christmas.

 

 

 

p.p.s. No one get me started on those stupid fecking reindeer ears that people are putting on their cars.

A Year in Movies

So I know I tend to be slightly over-abundant in my day to day use of superlatives but this? This is just batshit fucking radcakes. It really is. 270 films from 2010 beautifully smashed together in just over 6 minutes by Gen I. It made me smile, cheer, clap, cry and remember why I love doing what I do. Enjoy.

 

P.S. Please note that at first watch there were at least two scenes with Sam Rockwell and two with Ryan Reynolds. Not that anyone's counting. Well I'm counting but ... oh look, just watch it okay.

Things What I Did Learn The Day Before Today

I try to learn a new thing every day, but yesterday I learnt no less than 25 new and exciting facts. This makes me smarterer than ever. Please feel free to read / print out / use as guide for life.

1. Knocking over a miniature cactus is fine. It will survive.
2. Catching the miniature cactus when you’ve knocked it off the table is not fine and it will sting somewhat.
3. Noticing that there is a slight mad-big stinging sensation in the hand that caught the cactus and then pulling the cactus away with your other hand, will result in the other hand also stinging somewhat shittonnes.
4. The stinging sensation is about 900 teeny tiny hair-like cactus needles getting stuck in your fingers.
5. This is actually cactus spawn. You’re probably going to have baby cacti in about 9 months.
6. Of course I’m joking. The cacti will grow in your lungs and come out your chest Alien stylez.
7. Simply staring and swearing at the teeny tiny cactus needles will not get them out of your hands.
8. Not even if you do this for ten minutes.
9. Nor will just running the hands under cold water.
10. Nor will running hands under cold water and swearing.
11. If you own six pairs of tweezers, try to have a vague idea of where at least one of them might be.
12. Holding tweezers is really shittingly hard when your fingers are prickly.
13. Texting someone, who doesn’t really know you that well, to say you’re running late for lunch because you’ve had a “cactus incident” will most definitely make them believe that you are medically stupid.
14. Texting is really hard when you can only use your nose, your elbow, and the last two fingers on each hand.
15. If you sit on a train holding your hands 4 inches from your face and staring at them really intently, people will get up and move away from you.
16. Especially if you got on the train at Kings Cross.
17. The current Australian Cricket Team is awesome a little bit shit.
18. In saying that even they wouldn't mess with a succulent. In saying THAT, you actually caught something which, lately, they haven't been doing, like, ever.
19. If someone suggests using wax to rip out needles don’t laugh at them. They are actually reallyreallyreally smart. You are not smart. You groped a fucking cactus.
20. Microwaving the "sensual orchid" scented leg wax to molten lava temps will probably result in you giving your fingertip third degree burns.
21. Third degree burns hurt even more than cactus needles.
22. Hitting the wax repeatedly will not make it cool down or dry faster.
23. It will, however, make it stick to the fingers you are using for the hitting.
24. Once again, yelling bad words at the wax will not make the situation any better.
25. But, but, hot leg wax WILL REMOVE CACTUS NEEDLES FROM HANDS.

 

Here endeth the lesson.

 

 

I'm In Here

To whoever made this video for Sia's I'm In Here ....

 

 

 

... you are 43 shades of fucking genius, and I'd really quite like to give you a cuddle.