Dear Europe,
Really???
Azerbaijan. REALLY??
Did you not see Moldova? Did you not see the hats? Did you somehow blind your ears and mishear the lyrical genius of the slightly aggressive yet ravishing garden gnomes. Look at those fucking hats! Just look at them Europe!
I have watched you, diligently and respectfully, for many a year now Eurovision. Most people refer to ABBA-winning-with-glorious-blue-satin-camel-toe in 1974 as your finest moment, but we know, really, that it was Bucks Fizz and those damn fantastic removable skirts in 1981. RIGHT. UP. UNTIL. MOLFREAKINGDOVA. For the love of lycra there was an angel on a fucking unicycle Europe! What were you thinking? Is the GFC really that bad? Have the austerity measures restricted your ability to vote for what was arguably the finest product to come out of your continent since those fucking gigantic Toblerone bars?
I weep for you Europe, I really do. I weep for Moldova too. And mostly, Europe, mostly I weep for myself, because I still don't know where the fuck Moldova is, and now I probably never will.
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