She Said So

ARIA Awards: Friend, Foe or F**kup?

I know what you're thinking right? I'm going to attempt to write something terribly witty and cynical about the horror of Sunday's ARIAs and why Channel Ten and Fremantle Media should be eternally lambasted over the new format and overall broadcast? But I'm not. I can't. I mean for starters, everyone way funnier and faster than me has already done it and you know what? Now that I've had serious time to ruminate (ie sit around, procrastinate, do very little, check circumference of head, twice) I've had a wee change of heart.  Because, really? I loved the ARIAs. Yes yes it was AWFUL. Truly gobshiteingly awful. But I do honestly believe that, with the help of the better part of a bottle of red, it was possibly the greatest night in Australian Television history. It was certainly the funniest night. 

Oh it was not without its faults and by faults I mean San Andreas size, earthquake of the century, ground opening up and swallowing us all style faults.  Lara Bingle and Jason Derulo's excruciating dialogue so awkward it would've make Tommy Wiseau proud, Bob Katter (Bob assing Katter??!) taking approximately the same time to open the envelope and announce the "Araria" winner as it took to decide the last election, camera angles so low I could see actual brain, cutaways to ... ummm.... nothing really, winners being lost in the crowd and then not even knowing what they'd won (oh hell, I love you for that Bernard Fanning), Temper Trap winning Best Single for a song released sometime in the 1960s, post-performance crowd noise mixed with feedback that sounded like very angry robots had descended and were going to eradicate every D-Grade celeb (actually that would've been fine), Nat Bass hitting excitable notes so high on her throws that only dogs could hear the poor lass, Carmen Electra being... there..., and, of course, DE-BUTT. Oh the de-butt. Oh that poor wee child. OH HOW I LAUGHED, and then felt rising anger as I thought "wait so not ONE producer thought to correct her during rehearsals - not one??".

And then it hit me. This was meant to be this bad. The producers knew it would be chaotic, unhinged, a debacle not seen since that show that Mick Molloy did for 8 minutes.  Point in case : Channel Ten have rapidly been removing all videos containing footage of the ARIAs from youtube thus a) severely angering teh internets and b) immediately confirming the cult-like status of this years awards. I mean if you want to make people want something, don't allow them to see it. Seriously, it works a treat.  And once that moment of realisation hit, I was completely hooked. I looked at it less as an awards show, and more as a bad wedding where drunk people are dancing, awkward overseas relos who aren't sure why they were invited attempt to make small talk and finally the drunky uncle (oh hai Steve Kilbey!) makes a drunky speech about The Beatles and love and all that. Brilliant. Fucking brilliant.  

I will admit that I missed quite a few moments, mostly due to two things. Wine didn't quite kick in fast enough and every time Rebel Bloody Wilson said "coming up in four minutes" I went all stabby with the remote.  But when it all came down to it, while most of the presenters were one step away from just standing there giggling and licking the microphones, the performances - Washington, Dan Sultan and Sia in particular - made me want to stand up and yell "fuck yeah Australian music yes yes fuck yes!". Oh hang on. I think I did do that after Washo danced on a piano.

 

We can't put on an award show to save ourselves but live music? THAT we can do! And do well. To quote from movie guy Marc Fennell "holy fuck. this whole shamozzle became worth it for WASHINGTON alone. #arias #fuckyeah". And it was such a great little shout out to the J's and FBI et al. Angus and Julia Stone got their start by turning up to an FBI Radio open day. Megan Washington was an Triple J Unearthed Winner. Dan Sultan and Sia other J darlings. Guy Sebastian? Well, they had to give the confused 2DayFM "who is that man in a suit singing with INXS and why didn't Katy Perry win anything" listeners something didn't they?

So yes, yes I was looking at it through shiraz coloured glasses and yes the twitter feed most definitely made it an even more hilarious viewing experience, but I've never had more fun. I've never laughed so hard.  (I mean GOD I laughed for so long that I actually laughed myself hungry and had to once again visit the convenience store across the road in the middle of the night to get chocolate.) I hope the ARIAs don't go away forever and ever. It was indeed diabolical, and a ratings failure of absolutely epic proportions but my god I hope it comes back.  I need that laugh in my life.  I need to read more things like this.

Pacey-rocks my world-Con

I will admit to spending the majority of the last weekend beyond jealous of all who attended Comic-Con in the States. But then....

... then I saw this. I would sell my right arm to go to Pacey-Con.

Pacey-Con with Joshua Jackson from Joshua Jackson

He played the Dawson Creek soundtrack from a boombox a la Lloyd Dobler for godsake!

Diane Kruger you are one lucky, lucky bitch.

I Have A Dirty Little Secret

So, uh, like, an episode of Glee just aired in the States which was directed by Joss Whedon and guest-starred Neil Patrick Harris. That sound you may have heard around lunchtime today? That was me, having a little nerdgasmic meltdown.  I know right? Glee?? I mean it's hardly indie hipster radness is it? Or ... is it? *said best with head cocked to one side and one finger resting on lips* Go on try it. I said try it. Okay then.

So that's my little secret. I, oh she who will not watch reality tv, who will not listen to commercial radio, who point blank refuses to go see Sex and the City 2 at the cinema (oh that's a whole other post right there) not only *likes* Glee, but IQs it every week.  During the Single Ladies episode I, wait for it, clapped and "woohoo"ed from my sofa. Alone. On my sofa. Woohooing.

Perhaps it's because I have an unwavering belief that one day I'll open my mouth and a perfect voice with perfect tone will come out.** Perhaps it's because there are moments where I fantasise about going all Sue Sylvester on someone's ass. Perhaps it's because occasionally, just occasionally mind you, I think the world might be a slightly better place if everyone just impulsively broke into perfectly choreographed walking and burst into mad song. You can't go to war with someone who's singing Journey. You just can't.  

See.

And you know what? I'm not the only one.  Cue Saturday arvo. Shopping with male bestie. I make comment that my hair looks gloopy. Bestie turns to me and deadpans "Wow, I just lost my train of thought. You have so much margarine in your hair." Pause. Is bestie *gasp* quoting Glee? To me?? Bestie looks at my face and waits for moment of recognition. I smirk. Bestie smirks. Shop assistant pretends she's not serving crazies and wishes she'd taken that job as a receptionist. 

Bestie : "So do you uh, watch Glee?"

Me : "Oh you know, yeah sometimes. I guess. Not all the time, y'know." Avoids eye contact, draws circle on floor with shoe.

Bestie : "Oh, yeah same. I've just, y'know seen a few episodes lately though."

Me : Tries to gauge if this is an elaborate ruse to undermine my calm indie exterior. "Yeah like if I'm home and there's nothing else on and I'm not working or whatever then I'll kinda have it on in the background."

Bestie : Spontaneously loses shit in middle of department store "I love Sue Sylvester!"

Me: "Ohmagod totally oh she's so awesome!!" Aaaand there goes the calm indie exterior. "We should totally buy the dvd today!!". Aaaand there goes both rhyme and reason.

Now back to the episode mentioned above. There are a number of things that excite me here. Joss Whedon for starters. Senior Overlord of all things Awesome like Buffy, Angel and Firefly to name but a few. And then there's Neil Patrick Harris. NPH for shorts. The man who put the Doogie into Howser. The man who bizarrely became even more attractive to me when he came out the closet and started presenting the Tony Awards. Oh who am I kidding it's not bizarre, everyone loves the completely unattainable.  NPH apparently stars as Bryan Ryan - Mr Schuester's arch nemesis from highschool.

This is also a plus because, correct me if I'm wrong, but Mr Shuester has developed a penchant for wearing grey marle v-neck tees and I, for many a year now, have had a penchant for men who have a penchant for the grey marle vee tee. I also have a penchant for excessive use of the word penchant. You may already have noticed that if you is like, super clever and you read good.

And here's another thing. That episode last week? The one about all things "Home". That made me cry. And I don't mean a quiet delicate single tear down one cheek. I mean howling snotty hiccups into a teatowel. I mean this.

By god that's the best crying scene ever. Ever. And I mean ever.

** yeah i just tried it and it still sounds like cat rape.